


This We'll Defend

by DeanwillgodownwiththisShip



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, doctor!clarke, mentions of Raven/Wick, soldier!bellamy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2015-06-01
Packaged: 2018-04-02 10:57:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4057381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeanwillgodownwiththisShip/pseuds/DeanwillgodownwiththisShip
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke Griffin joined the Army medical team to run from her past and mend her broken heart. What better way to forget about her mess of a life than to travel to the heart of a war zone and throw herself into her work?</p><p> Enter Lieutenant Bellamy Blake, the embodiment of everything Clarke was hoping to avoid. </p><p>Her life was so not going to plan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Clarke ran a hand through her unruly hair, unkempt after a busy day of tending to the wounded. Currently she was glaring down at a pile of bandages as though they were responsible for every misfortunate thing in her life. 

“Griffin, go home already! Your shift finished like three hours ago.” 

Sure her shift finished a while ago, but what was there to go home to? She shared a tiny shoebox apartment with her best friend Raven (also known as the pain in the ass person hollering at her from across the room); being at the hospital base was the best place for her. She was useful there at least and it kept her mind from wandering to back to the things she was trying so desperately to avoid thinking about. 

“Can it Reyes!” She replied. “I notice you haven’t gone home either, so don’t start on me.”

Raven snorted, gesturing to the patient lying on the bed beside her. “I, unlike you, am needed here tonight. Without me, who would fit these kickass prosthetic limbs?” 

The soldier on the bed nodded solemnly, the mirth sparkling in his eyes the only giveaway. Clarke couldn’t remember his name; she thought she’d heard Raven call him Wick. “She’s right Dr Griffin. I wouldn’t let just anyone put her hand this far up my thigh. Raven is truly the only one qualified for this job.” 

“See? I’m doing something useful.” Raven said smugly. “I’m sure sorting bandages into size order can wait until tomorrow.”

Clarke sighed, resigned to the fact that if she didn’t leave, Raven would physically carry her home. She didn’t doubt that the other girl could throw her over her shoulder and would if it came down to it. 

Before Clarke could make it to her bag, the door to the hospital opened and a soldier limped in slowly, his arm cradled against his chest and blood staining his uniform. 

“Uh can I maybe see a doctor or someone?” The guy called out weakly.

Clarke shot Raven a triumphant look. She was totally needed here. 

She sat the soldier down on the closest bed, looking him over quickly to see any obvious injuries. She’d never met him, but she’d only joined the army’s medical unit a few months ago so it wasn’t surprising. She read the nametag on his uniform, Blake. She’d never heard of him before which was good, means he’d managed to stay out of trouble out there. Well, until now she supposed. It never got any easier looking after these men and women and then letting them go back out there, putting themselves in danger all over again. 

She noticed the soldier had multiple pieces of sharp metal sticking out of the flesh in his arm. Clarke winced involuntarily, they saw a lot of shrapnel related injuries but it never made it look any less painful to her. 

“Okay, Mr Blake- ” she began. 

He coughed, interrupting her midsentence. “Lieutenant Bellamy Blake at your service. “ He smirked, “but you can call me Bellamy, Princess.” 

Instantly she was on edge, trapped and uncomfortable, the hair on the back of her neck prickling. She could feel Raven’s eyes burning a hole through the back of her head from across the room. 

“W-why did you call me that?” She tried to control her voice, but it came out harsher than she’d expected. That nickname didn’t hold any good memories for her. Everything she’d been trying so desperately to avoid came rushing back at the mention of one stupid nickname. 

Lieutenant Blake looked taken aback at her sudden change in demeanour. “Um, your name badge. It has a little princess on it. I’m sorry, I won’t call you that again.”

She felt awful, not every guy would turn out like him. She needed to get over him already and move on with her life. For gods sake she’d made a soldier look like someone had kicked his puppy. She needed to get her shit together. She’d worked in the paediatric ward back at Ark memorial hospital, before her life had been turned upside down. The kids always got a kick out of her brightly colour name badge with the smiling princess on it. She’d loved working with those kids and couldn’t find it in herself to change her badge when she’d joined the army medical team. It felt nice to have something cheerful with her in a place filled with violence and pain. 

“Look, I’m sorry” she replied briskly, distracting herself by gathering what equipment she’d need. “You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s just someone I knew in another life used to call me that.” 

She set to work cleaning the area around the shrapnel, working painstakingly slowly, removing each piece one at a time. She’d offered him pain relief multiple times but the stubborn man refused each time, saying he had to get back to his unit as soon as she was finished and he needed a clear head. 

“Ouch!” He exclaimed for about the twentieth time since she’d started. “Do you have to make it hurt so fucking much? Aren’t doctors supposed to be gentle?”

“Don’t be a baby.” She bit back. After about the third time he’d said it, she’d stopped feeling any sympathy. If he wanted to refuse pain medication and continue to be a stubborn idiot, he could deal with the pain that came with it.

“You seriously need to work on your bedside manner, princess.” He practically snarled, his temper getting worse with every passing minute.

She was surprised when the use of that nickname didn’t make her freeze or shut down. Instead it only fuelled her annoyance. “Look, Lieutenant” She mocked, “I’ve seen men having limbs amputated who’ve been less of a pain in the ass than you. So either stop being an idiot and let me give you something for the pain, or shut up.” 

She thought she saw a flash of something in his eyes, it looked like amusement but she couldn’t be sure. She shook her head; she was exhausted and probably just imagined it. 

“Will you two quit bickering over there,” Wick shouted. “I’ve got a stunning brunette trying her hardest to get in my pants here, and you two are seriously killing the mood.”

There was a muffled yelp as Raven punched him in the arm, muttering “In your dreams, Wick.”

Clarke couldn’t help it; she let out a snort of amusement. Just like that, the tension was broken and she found herself laughing along with none other than lieutenant Bellamy Blake.


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

Clarke had a night off and she didn’t have a clue what to do with herself. She liked to be busy so a night off wasn’t something she was particularly looking forward to, especially since Raven was working so she’d be spending the night alone.

 

They’d had a relatively slow week at the hospital, only one serious case; a soldier with a gunshot wound to the stomach. They’d managed to save his life and he’d be on his way home to recover properly sometime in the next week. Clarke liked it when things ended that way, a life saved and a soldier on their way home to be with loved ones and recover somewhere familiar and safe, she was dreading the day when she was unable to save someone. It had happened before and she knew it would happen again, but it never got easier.

 

She hadn’t seen Bellamy since she’d sent him on his way with some pain medication that night. She stopped for a moment to wonder when he became _Bellamy_ to her instead of Lieutenant Blake. She didn’t want to focus on that for too long, she’d wind up with a migraine. She supposed it was a good thing; he was obviously staying safe out there. Still, she couldn’t help seeing his soft smile from underneath his unruly mop of hair as he’d thanked her for her help that night.

 

She shook her head. Not only was sitting alone in her apartment on her night off extremely depressing, but she was sitting there, alone, thinking of a soldier who had driven her insane for most of their interaction. She needed a drink.

 

Aside from Raven, Clarke’s only other friend in Iraq was Monty. She’d met him when Raven had dragged her down to the local bar one night after they’d first arrived. She claimed they needed to socialise with the locals if they were going to be getting up close and personal with them at the hospital.

 

It was Raven who’d convinced her to sign up for the army’s medical unit. The other girl was a prostethist, working full time with the army to make and fit prosthetics as well as working with soldiers during their rehabilitation. She’d met Raven after finding out she was sleeping with the other girl’s boyfriend. She was the other woman in a relationship she had no idea even existed.  Instead of hating her for ruining her long-term relationship, Raven had taken her under her wing and proceeded to pick up the pieces and put Clarke back together one piece at a time. Starting with getting the hell away from home and all the memories it held.

 

Monty Green owned the only local bar near the makeshift hospital. It was a popular spot for soldiers on their days off and she and Raven had visited it a few times since arriving.  Monty was famous for his moonshine, which could knock even the toughest soldier flat on his ass if he’d had enough of it. Clarke had instantly taken a liking to the man. For someone who made such a toxic alcoholic substance, he was surprisingly sweet and always willing to listen if she needed to talk. He was also crazy smart and Clarke often wondered why he’d chosen to open up a bar in the middle of war stricken Iraq. But then again, she’d made the choice to become a doctor rather than follow her passion and teach art so who was she to question his life choices?

 

She plonked down at the bar and smiled when she caught Monty’s eye. He beamed at her and bounced over. “Clarke! It’s so good to see you!” He was grinning from ear to ear. Honestly he was so adorable, she just wanted to hug him.

 

“I’m here for some stellar company, and even better alcohol.” She winked. “Think you can manage that?”

 

Monty scoffed, “Please I’m a born people person. And the alcohol I could make in my sleep.”

 

He poured her a drink and she knocked in back in one swallow. Monty raised an eyebrow in question.

“Night off. M’bored and alone.” Was her response.

 

 

“Well we certainly can’t have that, can we princess?” A low, husky voice came from beside her.

 

This time the nickname sent tingles up her spine for a whole different reason.

 

“Bell – uh Lieutenant Blake” she corrected herself quickly, turning to face him.

 

He gave her a short salute, smirking. “The one and only. And please, call me Bellamy.”

 

Clarke had a feeling her night was going to get a whole lot more interesting.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

A few more shots of moonshine later and Clarke was well and truly tipsy. It turns out Bellamy Blake can hold his liquor and still manage to kick her ass at pool.

 

“No, no, no. Ok you’re doing this all wrong. You have to line your body up with the shot you want to make.” Bellamy tried explaining for the fourth time since they’d started playing.

 

Okay so she was terrible at pool. Back home when she’d played in college she thought she was brilliant, apparently everyone else had just been worse than her.

 

“Is this right?” She moved her body into what she thought was the perfect position to make the shot. All she heard was his groan of frustration before feeling the heat of his body behind her. His hands found her waist and lightly guided her hips in the direction of the ball. His touch burned her skin and she felt as though all the air had been sucked out of the room. Clarke heard his breath hitch as she turned in his arms. Her eyes darted from his lips to his eyes, darkened with lust. Her lips felt dry, her tongue darting out to wet them. She noticed his eyes follow the movement before she was pulled flush against his body, their lips colliding. Painful at first as teeth clashed together but then _holy hell_ it was good and Clarke couldn’t think straight.

 

Finally they broke away, breathing heavily. “Your place or mine?” She asked.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

There were jackhammers in her head. Pins sticking out of her eyes and the fires of hell in her throat. Why the hell did she think going to the bar was a good idea? Somehow she’d managed to make it back to her apartment, but clearly not after drinking a shitton of Monty’s moonshine. And he called himself a friend! Friends do not let other friends drink that much. She had to be at the hospital in an hour, life was torture. Getting out of bed should be illegal on days like this, she thought as she kicked off the blankets. Only to realise she was completely naked.

 

_What the hell._

It all came flooding back. The voice, _Princess_. Pool and sex. Lots of sex. With Bellamy Blake.

 

“Oh God.” She moaned.

 

She heard a bark of laughter from Raven’s room. “Someone have fun last night?”

 

“Please tell me you weren’t here the whole time?” She practically begged her roommate.

 

“Oh I sure was. The _whole_ time. From round one on the kitchen bench, to round …mm what was that? Three I think? On the living room floor.” Raven cackled.

 

If life were kind to Clarke, the floor would open up and swallow her right then and there.

 

Unfortunately, life sucked and Clarke was going to be forced to endure Raven’s tormenting for weeks.

 

 

“Oh Bellamy! Right there.” Raven hollered, peals of laughter ringing out as she left the apartment. “See you at work you dirty thing.”

 

Seriously, how was this her life?

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

 

The day started out as uneventful as ever. Clarke stitched up a soldier who’d cut his leg and spent the rest of the morning trying to pretend she wasn’t thinking about Bellamy Blake’s arms as he’d lifted her onto the kitchen counter, his hands as they roamed all over her body, mapping her from head to toe.  Raven caught her blushing when she remembered some particularly interesting details from that night. The other girl winked which only made Clarke blush harder.

 

They were torn abruptly from their relaxed morning by the sounds of the doors banging open and a voice yelling out “Help! Please somebody, I need some help here.”

 

Immediately Clarke sprung into action, grabbing a gurney and running to the front door. A soldier stood by the door, a body cradled gently in his arms, listless and still, arms dangling limply.

 

As Clarke approached the man’s features became clearer. She gasped “Monty?”

Her friend’s eyes remained closed, his body still.

 

She snapped into action. “What’s your name?” She asked the soldier.

 

“Miller.” He replied, his eyes not leaving Monty. Concern etched into his features as they carefully placed him on the gurney.

 

“What the hell happened to him, Miller? He’s a bar owner, not a damn soldier.” She snapped, her worry over her friend turning to frustration that the kindest, sweetest person who contributed in no way to the horrors around them, was the one who ended up fighting for his life.

 

Miller shook his head, bewildered. “I don’t know, I was running patrols with my unit and we heard a blast. When I realised where had been attacked, I ran in to find Monty. “ He ran a hand through his hair, “I go to Monty’s almost every night I have off. He’s a friend now.”

 

Clarke felt her heart break for the other man. It seemed like she wasn’t the only one who cared for Monty. “Look, Miller I don’t know how bad it is yet. But he’s my friend too and I promise I’ll do everything I can to get him through this.”

She knew it wasn’t much, but it was all she could offer at this point.

 

 

 

 

She was methodical, detached, going through his injuries from head to toe and planning her next move. This wasn’t her friend; this was her patient, and someone she needed to save. “Pupils both equal and reactive, no signs of head trauma but I’d like a CT to be sure. Decreased breath sounds from the right lung, possible pneumothorax and broken ribs. The abdomen is distended and rigid, I think there’s some internal bleeding but I need scans to confirm. He’s going to need surgery. Get him prepped and down for the CT and meet me in theatre. I’m going to scrub in.”

 

In her mind she went through the procedure, she was a general surgeon so there would be other specialists on standby if there were abnormal scan results. All she had to do was get in there and fix what she could fix. The rest was up to the other surgeons, and more importantly, Monty.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

After a gruelling seven hours in surgery, she finally had some good news to tell Miller, who Raven had told her had been waiting at the hospital the entire time Monty was in surgery.

 

They’d managed to control all the sources of bleeding, he did in fact have a collapsed lung but they’d managed to stabilise him enough to close him up. Clarke was positive he would make a full recovery, although the first forty-eight hours were crucial and any number of things could happen. She didn’t plan on leaving until she knew he was out of the woods.

 

Miller sank into his chair with relief when Clarke told him Monty had made it through the surgery, he went to go sit next to his bed until he had to report back to his unit. He promised to come back as soon as he could.

 

Clarke took over after Miller left, sitting by Monty and holding his hand. His face was bruised and battered; he looked so fragile tucked in against the stark white sheets. She’d suppressed her emotions and focussed on doing her job, but now she had nothing to distract her and it hit her all at once. She couldn’t breathe, tears were threatening to spill from her eyes and her chest felt like it was being squeezed so tight that she might explode. Shoving the chair backwards, she walked as quickly as she could towards the doors without raising any suspicion.

 

She burst outside and sank down next to the wall, sobs wracking her body. She’d come so close to losing someone else she cared about. She thought she’d been dealing with her past but clearly she had only been repressing the painful memories. She’d saved Monty today but it was enough to shatter her carefully built walls, sending them crumbling down around her and leaving her exposed to her pain.

 

“Hey Princess.” Bellamy said softly, sinking down to the ground next to her. “Heard you had a rough day today. Miller told me about Monty.” He paused for a moment, as if wondering what on earth to say to the hysterical mess that she’d become.

 

 “You did good Clarke, you know that, right?” He was rubbing small circles on her back. His soothing tone only made her sobs louder. He gathered her up in his arms and held her against his chest, making soothing noises as she cried the tears that were long overdue.

 

Finally her tears subsided and she pulled away from his embrace. “Uh thanks. Sorry about all that.” She tried to laugh it off but it came out like a shaky sob.

 

He smiled. Not his ever-present smirk, but a softer, more personal smile. “Anytime princess. But I don’t think that was all about Monty, was it? You wanna talk about it?”

 

She was surprised when her mouth opened and she started telling him everything, from the night her parents fought, about her of all things and her choice to pursue art as a career. Her father was supportive, as long as it made her happy, he said. Her mother argued that she was throwing her life away for a hobby.  “You don’t make a career as an artist” Abbey Griffin insisted, the only possible career for her daughter was to become a doctor. She’d yelled at her mother and her dad tried to step in, to take her side without hurting her mother’s feelings. Abbey had spat at her husband to leave after their argument reached new heights, and not wanting to cause further friction, he complied. His car had been hit by a drunk driver on his way home and he was pronounced dead at the scene.

 

Clarke had never fully forgiven her mother for sending him away in the first place. If he’d never left home he would have been safe. Mostly, Clarke blamed herself. They were arguing about her in the first place. So she went to med school. If she’d agreed to that to start with, her father would still be alive to see her graduate, to walk her down the aisle when she eventually got married.

 

To see his grandchildren.

 

At least her mother was happy now.

 

Bellamy looked at her with such sorrow it made her heart ache. She laughed bitterly. “I thought my life couldn’t get any worse at that point. But boy was I wrong about that.”

 

The look Bellamy gave her was half questioning but also an acknowledgement that she didn’t have to share if she wasn’t comfortable. She’d pretty much told the guy her life story, so why not stop now? They’d already seen each other naked anyway.

 

“I got home after my father’s funeral to find my boyfriend Finn, kissing another girl.” This time she chuckled for real. “Uh, Raven actually.”

 

The look on Bellamy’s face was priceless. “Now that is a story I’ve got to hear. How in the hell did you two end up so close?”

 

“Well, turns out Finn had been with Raven for three years. She’d been deployed with the Army to Afghanistan and he’d met me. He assumed she’d moved on when she stopped replying to his letters and emails and he hadn’t heard bad news from her family. He met me and we started dating. Turns out her letters had just been redirected and she’d replied to every last one of them“ She looked down at her hands, the ever-present guilt seeping into her voice when she spoke. “I really had no idea Raven existed. I thought I loved Finn, that he was it for me. And then one day I got home after burying my father and he was kissing her in our fucking apartment.” She still felt like an idiot, how did she not know?

 

“At first I thought he was cheating on me with another woman, turns out I was the other woman. He and Raven had been on the path to engagement and I was just – well I don’t know what I was to Finn.” She took a deep breath, steadying herself before continuing.

 

“Anyway I apologised a million times to Raven. When she realised I wasn’t lying and that I really had no idea she existed, she dumped Finn and took me under her wing. We got drunk together, ate endless amounts of ice cream and watched Gilmore Girls marathons. It was a healing experience for us both“ Bellamy laughed quietly at that.

 

“She ended up becoming my best friend. I don’t know what I’d do without her. “ Clarke smiled, thinking of the one good thing to come out of her entirely fucked up life. “She convinced me to come here with her, there was nothing left for me back home anyway, so here I am. “ She wiped away the last of her tears. “You must want to run for the hills now.”

 

“Not a chance, Princess.” Bellamy whispered, his lips brushing the top of her head softly.  “Everything you’ve been through has made you stronger and more amazing than you know.”

 

They sat there in silence for a few moments, Bellamy stroking her hair gently. When he finally spoke, his voice was quiet, reflective. “I have a sister. Her name is Octavia. She’s a couple of years younger than me and she’s the most important person in my life.” Clarke smiled at the fondness in his voice.

 

“Our father took off when she was born and our mother died a year later. Cancer.” His voice came out shaky. “We had no money after paying her hospital bills. I just wanted O to have a future, to go to college and make something of her life. I worked three jobs at one point, doing whatever I could to get enough money for us to eat. Putting any aside for a college fund was never an option. Until I joined the army“ Clarke’s heart ached for Bellamy. He’d done so much for his sister, yet she could hear in his voice that he truly believed he hadn’t done enough. That he’d failed her in some way. It hurt Clarke to think that Bellamy Blake thought so little of himself.

 

“Octavia couldn’t ask for a better brother. You were in a shitty situation and you did the best you could, you worked your ass off to give her a future and I bet she’s thankful for you every day.” She could tell he was still beating himself up, but Clarke hoped that with some time, he might come to realise he was being hard on himself.

 

It was so peaceful outside, wrapped in his strong arms. Clarke could easily get used to that. Her thoughts surprised her; she never would have thought that she’d find solace in a war zone, in the arms of a soldier. After all she’d been through, she was finally starting to believe she might make it through.

 

“I never asked you why you were here tonight.” She burrowed into his warmth, knowing that she’d been out there for too long already and would have to go back to work soon. Monty needed her. She knew he would have been well looked after by the nurses but she felt responsible for watching over him.

 

“After the attack at Monty’s, my unit was sent here to patrol the area. We weren’t sure if the attacks were over so we thought the hospital might need some extra protection.”

 

Clarke didn’t say anything, but if she was being honest with herself, she felt safer knowing he was out there watching over her.

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

 

It had become almost a routine now. Clarke would grab some atrocious coffee from the hospital during her break and meet Bellamy outside. Sometimes they’d sit in silence, drinking the weak, watery liquid and making faces at the taste. Other days they’d talk about almost everything, from favourite TV shows to the latest books they’d read.

 

Clarke had been particularly amused to discover Bellamy had watched up to the current season of Grey’s Anatomy. She giggled uncontrollably when he’d mentioned it one day while they were talking.

 

He raised his hands in mock defence. “I have a little sister! It’s not my fault she makes me watch these shows!”

 

It just made her laugh harder. “I bet you cried just as much as Octavia.” She managed to gasp.

 

Bellamy hung his head in pretend shame, but she could see the grin he was trying to hide. “I’m not proud of it, but I think I used more tissues than O.”

 

 

 

Clarke fought not to smile when she recalled that particular conversation. She couldn’t believe that had been almost a month ago. Time was flying by and she realised she felt lighter than she had in months. She suspected a certain lieutenant had something to do with that.

 

Monty had made a wonderful recovery and was released two weeks after his surgery with strict orders from Clarke to take it easy. The bar needed repair work anyway so he was able to stay at home. Clarke made sure she told Miller to keep an eye on Monty, though she suspected the soldier was already going to do just that.

 

 

Clarke was looking after a young man with a gunshot wound to the shoulder. It wasn’t serious and she could patch him up easily. Her mind was drifting as she set about cleaning and dressing the wound. It was almost lunchtime and she was thinking ahead to her time with Bellamy. His unit had been moved so he was no longer on patrol at the hospital, but he never missed their lunch meetings.  

 

She was brought back to reality by a commotion; it looked like they had a severe trauma victim coming in. She heard snippets of the conversation “Roadside bomb” and “multiple victims.” She signalled for Harper, one of the nurses to come over and finish dressing the wound. It was going to be all hands on deck by the sound of it.

 

 

She grabbed the first gurney, running it through to where the team of doctors were waiting.

 

It felt like time stopped. Clarke could hear her heart pounding. Her vision blurred. She could barely hear the sound of her name being called but she was unable to focus on it. All she could see was the soldier on the gurney in front of her. His shaggy mop of hair, in desperate need of a haircut, the freckles barely discernable through the dirt and blood covering his face. Her soldier.

 

She couldn’t breathe. She’d never had a panic attack but she was willing to bet that she was having on at that very moment.

 

“Clarke. Look at me.” A face moved into her line of vision. Somewhere in the back of her mind she acknowledged that it was Dr Jackson, her supervisor. “Clarke I need you to focus on me, breathe with me ok?” She nodded, trying to do as he said, knowing she needed to calm herself down. She felt each breath become easier than the last, her vision clearing and her heart rate gradually returning to normal. It didn’t stop the crushing feeling on her chest as she realised Bellamy still lay on the gurney in front of her, but it helped her feel more in control.

 

“I take it you know this young man?” Dr Jackson asked. She nodded weakly in response. “Clarke, you know how this goes. If it’s too personal for you to be involved, I’ll have to take you off his case.” Her eyes widened. She did know, but she never thought she would be in that position.

 

“No. I’ll be fine. I need to be here.” She insisted; her voice laced with steely determination. She tried to block it all out like she did when it was Monty, focus on the patient in front of her, not Bellamy.

 

She could tell it was bad. She didn’t need to be a doctor to see that he was fighting for his life. There was a large piece of shrapnel embedded in his abdomen but they couldn’t risk pulling it out yet in case it was the only thing preventing any internal bleeding. His pupils were unequal, one larger than the other. Clarke suspected there was some swelling in the brain. The less minor injuries appeared to be some broken ribs and a sprained ankle. Those she could deal with later, right now her job was to get that piece of metal out of his abdomen and deal with the damage. The neurosurgeon would deal with the swelling in his brain.

 

He was young; he would fight back. She had to do her part and give him the best chance.

 

* * *

 

 

It felt like déjà vu, standing for hours over the body of someone she cared about. Putting them back together, one stitch at a time. This time however, she didn’t have anyone waiting outside to hold her when she fell apart. The person she’d relied so heavily on was fighting for his life.

 

Clarke made sure to check on the other soldiers in Bellamy’s unit, Murphy, Miller and Atom, each had suffered only minor injuries and were well on the way to being released, though she suspected none of them would be leaving until they were sure their friend was going to make it through. The surgery had gone as well as could be expected, Clarke had repaired all the damage that she could see and Doctor Jackson was optimistic that Bellamy would recover. For now though, he was unconscious and would stay that way for at least 24hrs, his body needed time to heal and recover enough for him to wake up.

 

She’d sent the rest of Bellamy’s unit away, it was almost midnight and they’d stubbornly refused to leave his bedside. Of course she only knew that because she’d been hovering around his bed the entire time. She’d sent them back to their base with promises to contact them as soon as there was a change, Clarke reminded them that they’d also been injured in the accident and they needed their rest if they expected to be in any shape to see Bellamy when he woke.

 

Raven sat with her for a few hours, a silent supportive presence in the early hours of the morning. Again Clarke found herself wondering how she’d managed to get so lucky with a friend like Raven. The other girl never tried to pressure her into talking, or even into going home for some rest. She knew where Clarke needed to be and supported her the best way she knew how.

 

But eventually even Raven had to go and get some rest and Clarke was left alone with her thoughts and an unconscious soldier. It almost physically hurt to look at him, bandaged and bruised. She’d gotten a washcloth and some water and gently wiped away some of the dirt and blood that covered his face. Dr Jackson had been around a few times, checking his pupils and vital signs and squeezing Clarke’s shoulder, a sign of strength and support.

 

* * *

 

 

 

“He’ll pull through you know.” The voice startled Clarke. She looked around the room, searching for the person the voice belonged to. There weren’t many people around at that time or night… morning she supposed it was now.

 

 

“Wick?” She questioned, he appeared to be the only other person who was awake.

 

“The one and only” He joked, before he turned serious once more. “I don’t even know the guy but I can tell he’s strong enough to get through this.”

 

Clarke didn’t know how to respond, what does one say to that? Thank you? Or should she agree and say she was also sure he was going to make it? That would be a lie though. If she really were that sure, she wouldn’t be sitting by his bedside, checking every ten minutes to make sure he was still breathing.

 

“So, how long have you been in love with the guy?” Wick spoke up again. His voice had a softness about it, as though he knew he had to approach the subject carefully.

 

 

Still, the word hit her like a tonne of bricks. _Love._ She’d only known the man for a month, there’s no way she was in love with him! The idea was ridiculous. She was Clarke Griffin, sensible, careful Clark Griffin. She didn’t fall in love with soldiers in Iraq who she’d only known for a month. That was so not what she did. She planned. She was a planner, and planners didn’t do stuff like this.

 

She said as much to Wick who, much to her dismay only laughed at her.

 

“You’re sitting by his bedside with no intention of moving, watching him breath just to convince yourself that he’s still alive. Dr Griffin, if that’s not love, I really don’t know what is.”

 

With that, he rolled over muttering something along the lines of “oblivious idiot” and went to sleep. Within minutes she could hear his soft snores.

 

She thought about his words, the moment she saw Bellamy lying on that gurney. Her panic, the way her stomach dropped and she’d felt bile rising up in her throat. Then she thought about the way her stomach flipped for an entirely different reason when he smiled at her and his eyes crinkled at the corners. Or the way his entire body softened when he talked about his sister. She thought about the nights they’d spent on her breaks under the stars, Bellamy recounting stories his mother had told him when he was a child, the story of Hades and Persephone his personal favourite. She could listen to him speak for hours, watching the way his eyes lit up and his hands moved rapidly as he spoke.

 

 

Clarke groaned. Shit she was in far too deep.

 

Fucking Wick and his goddamn early morning revelations.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

After three days of waiting for Bellamy to wake, it occurred to Clarke that she had no idea if anyone had contacted Bellamy’s sister. It was often something that was forgotten in the madness of a military hospital. Dr Jackson seemed positive about Bellamy’s progress, reassuring Clarke that it was normal for him to be taking some time to regain consciousness. She was a doctor, she knew that already but somehow there was a difference between knowing something, and believing it.

 

Following a quick chat to Bellamy’s unit who managed to spend almost every free minute of their time in the hospital, driving some of the nurses crazy, Clarke realised she was going to have to call the infamous Octavia.

 

She’d heard so much about the younger Blake sibling and had imagined meeting her one day.  This was nothing like she’d hoped it would go. Calling Octavia Blake to tell her that her brother was unconscious in hospital after a serious accident was not high on her list of enjoyable activities. She knew how fiercely protective Bellamy was and she could only assume Octavia would be no different.

 

“Hey Bell! I wasn’t expecting to hear from you today.”

 

“Sorry, is this Octavia Blake?” There were no words to describe how much Clarke hated being the person who ruined someone’s day.

 

“Yes this is she. Who’s asking?” Octavia sounded suspicious. “And why are you calling from my brother’s phone?” She demanded.

 

“My name is Dr Clarke Griffin. I’m a friend of your brothers and I work at the hospital. Bellamy was in an accident involving a roadside bomb. “ She heard a sharp intake of breath from Octavia.

 

Hastily she reassured the other girl “He’s okay, he survived the accident and is recovering in hospital. He had some head trauma so we’re waiting for him to regain consciousness. I’m so sorry Octavia. He’ll be okay I’m sure of it.”

 

There was silence on the other end and then a muffled sob. Clearly Octavia was trying to hold in her tears. Clarke didn’t know how to respond. What do you say to a girl you’ve never met? How do you reassure her that the only family she has in the world, the single most important person in her life will survive this. She listened to the other girl’s sobs, trying her hardest to soothe her over the phone, wishing desperately she could be there in person to comfort her.

 

 

After a while Octavia’s sobs started to grow quieter until they were only sniffles and the occasional tiny hiccup.

“I’m s-so sorry” she managed to choke out after a few moments.

 

“Hey, don’t stress. It’s completely fine. I’m so sorry I had to ruin your day like this. But I promise, he’s going to be okay. I’ve been with him almost every moment since the accident and he’s so strong. He loves you so much, there’s no one he’d fight harder for.”

 

“Wait! You said your name was Clarke, right?” Octavia asked, a hint of excitement now evident in her voice.

 

“Um yeah, Clarke Griffin.” She replied, unsure of where the conversation was headed.

 

“Oh wow, hi nice to finally meet you! My brother talks about you constantly when he skypes me! Honestly it’s like he has nothing else important in his life. I feel like I already know you!” The younger Blake had a complete change in behaviour, now over-excited about meeting her brother’s friend.

 

Clarke felt herself blushing; Bellamy had talked about her to Octavia? Clearly he’d talked about her a lot. What did that mean? He’d never mentioned any girlfriend to Clarke but that didn’t mean he didn’t have a girl waiting for him back home. They were friends, that was all. If she had feelings that ran deeper, well that was her problem to deal with. She was probably the only new thing he could talk to Octavia about; she couldn’t imagine there was much news to share in his phone calls.

 

Still, it was nice to know he talked about her.

 

“It’s lovely to meet you too Octavia. He talks about you all the time. He’s so proud of you.”

 

Octavia laughed, Clarke decided she loved the sound. It was so similar to Bellamy’s laugh yet so distinctly different. Something she assumed described both Blake’s perfectly. Similar yet so very different.

 

“My big bro, such a charmer. Spends his time with a beautiful girl talking about his little sister!  Honestly I don’t know how he’s ever gotten laid.”

 

They both snorted. It was refreshing to be able to talk about Bellamy to someone other than Raven.

 

“Seriously though, Clarke. He’s so happy when he talks about you. It’s so tough for him over there; he hates the violence and the killing. He’s just such a kind person and every life he takes weighs so heavily on him.” Clarke could hear the sincerity in Octavia’s voice.

 

 “Since he met you, he’s been lighter, he smiles more and he’s even laughed a few times when he’s told me about something you’ve said to him. Whatever you’ve done, thank you. You’re bringing my brother back to me and I’m so grateful.” Octavia’s voice wavered with emotion.

 

Clarke was speechless. Octavia was so sincere and she didn’t know how to respond. Sure she’d noticed Bellamy carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, he felt responsible for everyone he cared about. Octavia was right though, lately he’d been more at ease, smiling more often. Clarke really didn’t think she’d had much to do with his happiness though. If anything, he’d been the one helping her move past her heartbreak.

 

She tried to say as much to Octavia, but the girl just gave a small laugh. “Think what you want Clarke, but I know my brother and you’re the only thing in his life that’s changed recently.” She cleared her throat. 

“He’s my big brother, and I’m thankful to you for helping him. But keep in mind; if you hurt him in anyway, you’ll have me to deal with.  He’s all I have left and I will not hesitate kick your ass.” Octavia threatened.

 

Clarke had no doubt the younger girl would follow through with her threats.

 

“I promise you Octavia, I only have his best interests at heart. I will never intentionally hurt him.” Clarke meant every word, Bellamy Blake already meant so much to her and she’d never allow herself to cause him pain.

 

 

* * *

 

  

Their conversation had taken far longer than she’d expected. After an hour on the phone with Octavia which had ended with an exchange of emails and a promise to send as many embarrassing photos of Bellamy as possible, Clarke made her way back into the hospital to check on the man himself. Talking with Octavia had helped immensely. She felt lighter and more clearheaded than she had since the day of the accident. Unfortunately Clarke could also feel the exhaustion clouding her mind. She’d been too panicked to sleep for the first day, and then she’d started working at the hospital during the day and sitting with Bellamy at night, which left no time for sleeping. Eventually she was going to crash and she knew it. She was fighting it with everything she had.

 

Yes she was a doctor, she should know better. So what, even doctors made stupid life choices sometimes.

 

She settled into her chair next to Bellamy and after a quick check of his vitals, lay her head down on the side of the bed. Just to rest her eyes for a moment, she told herself.

 

 

She felt something nice, in the haze of sleep she couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was exactly that felt so good. Only that she didn’t want it to stop. Clarke started to come into awareness, blinking back the disorientation of sleep. Someone was stroking her hair. That was the insanely good feeling, they could carry on doing that as long as they wanted. Clarke was just going to go right back to sleep.

 

Wait, what?

 

She’d only shut her eyes for a minute hadn’t she? She frowned, confused but still unwilling to open her eyes and wake up entirely. The hands stopped stroking her hair and she let out an involuntary whine of disappointment.

 

She heard a deep chuckle. A sound she was so familiar with. Clarke’s eyes shot open “Bellamy?” she wasn’t sure she was awake. She was so tired it could all be a dream and she was going to wake up for real at any moment.

 

But then he smiled and she knew, there was no dream that could get his smile just right. Her subconscious was good, but nothing could do the real thing justice. 

 

“Hey Princess.”

 

Clarke grinned and threw herself on top of him, hugging him as tightly as she could manage. He groaned in pain and Clarke realised she basically just attacked him and he was recovering from some serious injuries. “Shit, sorry! God what hurts? I’ll get you some pain meds, Jesus Christ I can’t believe I did that! I’m so sorry. God I’m such an idiot.”

 

“Clarke. Hey! Clarke, look at me.” His voice broke through her frantic apologies. “I’m fine ok. Just a little tender at the moment. Now quit fussing and come back here. I’ve missed you.” 

 

He grabbed her hand and pulled her towards him, tucking her in beside him and holding her tight. They fit together perfectly. He was really here, he was awake and he was with her again. She hadn’t realised until that very moment how truly terrified she was that he was never going to open his eyes.

 

Clarke tried to hide the multitude of emotions that were threatening to overwhelm her.

She forced a bright smile. “Don’t you ever do that to me again Lieutenant. Do you hear me?”

 

Bellamy looked her dead in the eye “Never again.” He replied solemnly.

 

Clarke couldn’t do it anymore; she buried her head into his side and cried. She’d tried so hard to be his strength when he needed her, and now it was her turn to fall apart. 

 

Bellamy held her close as she cried. He stroked her hair and lent her his strength.

 

Her sobs began to subside, and she felt bone-deep exhaustion setting in.

 

“I think I’m falling for you, Bellamy Blake.” She says softly, half hoping he hadn’t heard her.

 

She wants – no she _needs_ him to know. She can’t keep her feelings to herself, as terrifying as the thought of telling him may be. If she’s learnt anything from her time in Iraq, it’s that anything can happen, and anything isn’t necessarily always good. She’s learnt to let go of her past and live in the moment. Clarke almost lost Bellamy and she’s not willing to go through that again.

 

She’s almost too afraid to look at him, she has no idea how he feels but she knew she had to tell him.

 

When she finally musters up the courage to glance at him it takes her breath away. He’s smiling so brightly it makes her heart swell, she’s never felt anything with so much intensity before.

 

“I fell for you a long time ago, Princess. I was just waiting for you to catch up.” His gaze was so full of love; Clarke couldn’t believe it was directed at her. She’d never been loved so deeply before.

 

The fragile nature of human life was never more apparent than in a war zone, but lying in the arms of Bellamy Blake, Clarke felt invincible.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Any feedback would be lovely :) I hope you enjoyed my first attempt at a Bellarke fic!


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